community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
