ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
