Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
