I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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