Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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