no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize