I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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