apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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