my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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