I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
