Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
