I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
