I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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