i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
