yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's single and there are thong briefs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
