I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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