i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
