How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
