I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
