just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
