I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
