you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.