a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.