I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.