We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
