it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”