i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.