shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.