It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
