cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
