from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
