Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
