I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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