Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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