I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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