What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
