alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
