Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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