About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
