evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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