It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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