so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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