i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
