Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
