i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
