i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently you make a good broom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
