you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
