So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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