Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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