This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
as a side note pls kill me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
