Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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