The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown