life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.