I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm too high and old for this...