Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.