I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
