the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere