So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right