go do what you do best...puke behind churches
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.