p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..