Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
whose parrot is this?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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