White coat. Heels.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
