She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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