My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
