Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
