I'm lost and stupid without you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
