..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
