I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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