If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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