Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana