I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence