Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.