My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry