I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game