she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize