why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize