Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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