The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
