Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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