I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
