my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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