I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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