1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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