The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
