I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
