I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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